Little did I know, this was for some people the natural course of events when grief was unresolved.
As I struggled on through my high school and later teenage years, I couldn't understand why I felt so miserable all the time. And then as a young woman in my early 20s I distinctly remember driving home from work thinking that I was just a miserable person. Every night on my commute I'd stop and buy chocolate and lollies, learning later, that it was all to numb the pain.
It wasn't until I started work as a Flight Attendant in 1989 that I realised that something needed to change. The events of that day are as clear as if it were yesterday too.
I'd been away for a week in Singapore I think it was, it was one of my first trips. On our final decent into Auckland I was standing in the back galley chatting with the rest of the crew when it struck me. Everyone was so excited to be coming home, and all I wanted to do was turn around and go back, anywhere. That was my wake up call. I knew I needed to make a change.
Shortly after, I made enquiries with counsellors and therapists and found an amazing woman. At the time she was in her late 40s to early 50s. She was a Psychotherapist specialising in the Attachment Theory philosophies and she was wonderful.
Literally, it took me years to unravel a myriad of thoughts and feelings to discover who I really was. I learned that the stories I'd made up in my head about what had happened to my mother and why, were not in fact true at all; they were merely a young girls unsubstantiated interpretation. I learned how to love myself for who I was.
Another very vivid memory I have is the day I realised I'd started smiling more. I was walking down the street and I was smiling at nothing in particular at all and I hadn't remembered doing that, for a very long time, if ever.
So, there's always a story.
Behind every sad face, behind every anxious or angry person, there's always a story.
Hi I'm Kathryn Price.
I'm a 55 year old post-menopausal woman sharing my journey of Taking Care of Me. I'm on a mission to lose weight and improve my health and well-being. Click here to join me in my Facebook group and let's journey together.